MAD Awards 2016: Nominate Right Royal Mother – New Blog

*I would love it if you would click here to nominate Right Royal Mother for ‘new blog’ in The MADS Blog Awards 2016. At the bottom of this post are some reasons why. (First you have to nominate ‘blog of the year’ (see below for some ace examples) before you get to the ‘new blog’ bit).*

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**The following account is FICTIONAL.** 

anmer hall, norfolk, march 2016

“There’s a MAD new blog I think you should check out.”

Click here to nominate Right Royal Mother for new blog.

Click here to nominate Right Royal Mother for new blog.

William, Duke of Cambridge, is lounging at the breakfast bar in Anmer Hall, polishing his glasses. His wife, Catherine (Kate) is wearing a cashmere dressing gown and sipping a slimline G&T whilst browsing pictures nursery has sent her of her toddler son George fighting. She has spent a couple of days in bed, in preparation for her forthcoming trip to India. George is on the floor filling his Bing sticker book with postage stamps. Charlotte, her infant daughter, is teething loudly and Lupo the dog is quietly having a nightmare on the sofa.

“It’s called ‘Right Royal Mother‘. It’s by this woman who thinks it’s fun to write about ‘normal’ life with two small children and how it might compare to ours.”

Kate pauses, mid ice-deposit, and slams down her phone.

“Fun? What do you mean? Because I’m ‘work-shy?’ I’ve had it up to here this week. I’m just a Mum, muddling throughHurrah for gin, is all I can say.” She tucks her hair behind her ears carefully and takes a large slurp.

William knows his wife can be a bit of a drama (never to be) queen and treads carefully. “I know. And she does too, don’t worry. She even did an infographic in your defence.”

George approaches his parents, wielding the sticker book and a pair of gold safety scissors. “Mummy, look.”

“That’s nice, darling. You’ve used Gan Gan’s head in place of Plop’s. Where did you get that sticker book, anyway?”

“Gan Gan gave it to me when we went to her house.”

George is referring to Her Majesty, the Queen. William gives his wife a sideways look and Kate rolls her eyes. They are both thinking of the snippet of the forthcoming ‘Our Queen at 90,’ which was publicised this week and in which Kate made a dubious-sounding comment.

245 NL

NL. We call him ‘King Eeyore’.

“I know, I know … I said ‘she always leaves a little present when we visit’. I realise it sounds dodgy. I was nervous.”

“Mummy, can I cut your hair please?” George looks up with a mixture of noble patience and devious intent.

“No, darling.”

“Why?”

“I already have a ‘Mummy fringe’. I don’t want a ‘toddler bob’ too.” Kate glides to the sofa and shoves Lupo off.

George looks as though he’s about to cry. Maria something-or-other, the Spanish nanny, materialises with Haribo, carrying a yelling Charlotte. William sighs.

“Oh dear,” he says sadly to Kate, then pauses, looking worried. “You’re a right mammasaurus today, aren’t you? You haven’t … “

“What?”

“Well … you haven’t got another …” he whispers, so Maria can’t hear, “um, a … a baby on board, have you? Or … oh god … two?! I mean, we’d go crazy with twins.”

BOB

NOT notification the DoC is pregnant again. Just an amazing blog.

His wife sticks her tongue out. “If you really want to know, I’m craving a Croque Maman but all I can eat is these.” She indicates a pile of peeled grapes. A footman appears and announces her mother, Carole, is at the door.

“Oh dear, Shouty Charlotte, what IS the matter? Do you want a cuddle, fairy?” William puts the tip of his polo stick, which he has just been cleaning, into her mouth. “Goodness, she’s wild and grizzly today.”

Maria something-or-other slips a gloved finger into Charlotte’s mouth and extracts her discreetly but firmly from her father’s embrace. “She just needs drugs,” she whispers, producing a magnum-sized, bejewelled bottle of Calpol and Sophie the Giraffe.

“She’s a rock and roller baby,” he jokes. “I introduced her to the Dad network at work yesterday. She crushed it.”

Fleetingly, Charlotte gazes at her father adoringly, then wails like a banshee.

“Shh!” says Kate from the corner. “I’m talking to Mummy.” Carole looks suitably humble in the presence of her son in law (he is future king). “Sorry. I was just saying … after all the bashing I had over St. Patrick’s Day I’m trying to make a comeback, mum. If I’m going to do this mummy adventure properly – I mean, motherhood. It’s the real deal, right? – I have to connect with the public a little bit better.”

George approaches his mother and maternal grandmother cautiously. He has found a shrimp net in the boot room. “Actually Mummy … can we go fishing?”

Kate sighs. “Not really darling. Remember last time? We found that dead swan and had to take it straight to Gan Gan and tell her it wasn’t us. She doesn’t really need to see another one.”

“Come on tiddler,” says William, scooping his son up forcibly. “I’m Dadda Cool, don’t you know? A real Dadventurer in fact. Let’s have some fun.”

“You’re mad,” says Kate, laughing from too much gin.

NG and NL. They laugh at me, anyway.

NG and NL. They laugh at me, anyway.

“And you’re a crummy mummy sometimes,” says William. “But I love you too.”

He heads off with George to do some fishing. Maria something-or-other takes the screaming Charlotte off for a bath and Carole remembers she has an Ocado delivery due. Left alone, Kate picks up her iPhone and taps in ‘rightroyalmother.com …’

“Hmm,” she thinks after a few minutes’ silence during which she finishes her drink. “This is MAD. But rather fun. I think I’ll nominate …”

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why should you vote for right royal mother – new blog in the mad awards 2016?

It has taken me a while to write this post because I have been running after two small children and a dog. I am probably too late to the table now as I should think most people have nominated already. But if you haven’t, a nomination for ‘new blog’ (or any category, really) in the MADS (Mum and Dad Awards) 2016 would be amazing.

NG, me and lolly

This is a chocolate RABBIT. Nothing else.

Why should you nominate me for ‘new blog’ in the MADS? Because I think Right Royal Mother is properly different from other parenting blogs. I’m no good at recipes. Or advice. But it’s quite funny. (The founder of Ella’s Kitchen thinks so anyway). It takes a lot of nominations for a blog to get to the next stage of the MADs – and there are SO many amazing blogs out there – but I am giving it my best shot. And, hey, the Duchess of Cambridge might see it. (Squeal).

The links in this post are all to blogs I have nominated in the MADS this year and/or been inspired by in the last few months. Thank you to every single person who has been even the slightest bit encouraging!

I am new. But the blogging community is amazing and I hope I’m here to stay.

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KEY TO CHARACTERS

Characters are abbreviated as follows:

NW – not William (husband and father)

NG – not George (daughter, sister and two and a half year old)

NC – not Charlotte (son, brother and four month old)

NL – not Lupo (a Labrador)

 

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

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ethannevelyn
Diary of an imperfect mum
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24 Comments

  1. March 24, 2016 / 7:14 am

    Hmmmm. Pretty sure I recognise a few names in there…

    Good luck! Glad you feel the blogging community is amazing. You’re right, it is, and long may it stay so.

    • March 24, 2016 / 9:38 am

      It really is. This winter has been quite challenging but blogging has really helped lighten the dark days. Just looked at your site … very cool; LOVE ‘around the world in movies’! I used to teach GCSE English and Taylor’s reviews are ace! Long live the blog :).

  2. March 24, 2016 / 7:16 am

    This is great! “Magnum sized, bejewelled bottle of calpol”! Love it. I’m in your category (horrors!) but totally agree with you; your blog’s ace, it’s so nice to read something different. And very funny! Good luck xx

    • March 24, 2016 / 9:42 am

      Thank you lovely. It’s nerve-wracking isn’t it? Good luck too – just read ‘bathtime anonymous’ and YES I feel the same way. Thank goodness for blogging and roll on when they can bath themselves! xxx

  3. March 24, 2016 / 7:33 am

    I’ve nominated, and given you a shout out in my awards post too. Love this!

    • March 24, 2016 / 9:47 am

      Oh wow, thank you so much; that is amazing! Seriously. I almost cried like Gwyneth when I read your shout out; I also HATE the blowdry and air stewardess look. Also the use of babies as carry-on luggage replacements. GOOD. LUCK. Your blog is awesome. xx

  4. March 24, 2016 / 11:35 am

    Genius! Love it. I used to write posts this good, you know, in my hey day 😉
    Hope to see you in the line up! And thanks for the mention x

    • March 24, 2016 / 12:01 pm

      Ah, thank you; that has made me blush as I read your posts and they are so detailed and thoughtful. I just brain dump while breastfeeding usually! 🙂 Good luck to you and happy Easter. x

  5. March 24, 2016 / 7:43 pm

    Absolutely fantastic and you are fast becoming my favourite blogger! Thank you for including me in this weave, most honoured! Good luck in the MADS! Xxxx

    • March 24, 2016 / 9:01 pm

      Thank you Ruth! Wow, what an accolade – you’re more than welcome; your blog is stupidly great! Having a ball! Good luck too. xxx

  6. March 25, 2016 / 11:09 pm

    Brilliant, loved seeing so many of my favourites mentioned. Good luck x

  7. March 28, 2016 / 3:37 pm

    Lovely! Good luck to you – you’re brilliant. Sarah #FabFridayPost

  8. March 31, 2016 / 10:05 pm

    You’ve nominated so many great blogs and this post is very entertaining, funny and different (you are right) from most blogs out their so you certainly have a USP. Good luck! TY for linking up with #FamilyFun 🌸

    • March 31, 2016 / 10:59 pm

      Thank you; that’s a really lovely thing to say. Pleasure to link up; I’ve read some cracking posts. #FamilyFun

  9. April 1, 2016 / 3:28 am

    Thank you so much for the recommendation I have never heard of these blogs before. I will need to check them out. It is so hard to choose isn’t it. Wish that everyone is a winner. Good Luck with the awards and Thank you for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost 🙂 x

    • April 1, 2016 / 5:07 am

      No problem – thank you for hosting and yes, it’s almost impossible to choose, isn’t it? Thank you for hosting! x

  10. April 1, 2016 / 9:51 am

    Best of luck at the awards! And what a very creative nomination bid!! Fingers crossed Princess Kate gets in touch #FamilyFun

  11. April 1, 2016 / 10:46 pm

    Good luck lovely – loved this nomination post! Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

  12. June 26, 2016 / 8:17 pm

    Hilarious! I hope you win (&Amy vote counts) cos I think you are brilliant. Even if you are just brain dumping. Good luck X

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