In honour of Mother’s Day, we imagine talking to Prince George about HRH the Duchess of Cambridge (formerly Kate Middleton). Otherwise known as ‘mummy’.
We meet at the swings. Nanny Maria-something-Spanish loiters on the periphery with a small stuffed rabbit, looking guarded. There is no sign of the Duchess of Cambridge; she is probably in Costa.
George is carrying an umbrella, even though it’s quite sunny. He’s going through a rebellious phase so is wearing shoes from Debenham’s.
rrm: the duchess of cambridge is one of the most famous women in the world but what makes your mum so special to you?
(Looks sideways). Do you mean ‘Ma’am?’
RRM: I suppose so.
That’s better. (Assumes rapturous look). She always looks pretty. And she never loses her shit when Charlotte pulls her hair . She can plant a tree in heels. Ummm … and play tennis a bit. (Kicks the ground adorably). Actually, granny helped me write a little poem about her.
RRM: That’s nice. Let’s hear it.
a little poem for mummy
My mummy is a Duchess
And she will always care
About the little things: my smile,
Charlotte. Daddy’s hair.
She manages to juggle
With great alacrity
Celebrity and mum-dom
Whilst wearing Temperley
My mummy is KMiddy.
She’s pretty bluddy cool.
She photographs like Rankin –
she papped me at preschool.
My mummy’s very famous
My mummy’s very kind
She likes to Christen lifeboats
And sort out children’s minds
But most of all my Mummy
Is human just like you.
Even if she does wear
A more expensive shoe.
rrm: Wow. Thanks George. I think we’ve all had a bit of an insight there. by the way, Why are you carrying that umbrella?
I don’t know.
RRm: my daughter says that. it’s quite annoying. I don’t think it’s going to rain.
(Stares at me somewhat disconcertingly). My rain is coming.
rrm: do you mean … reign?
rrm: right. anyway, what are you doing for mother’s day?
(Apart from wearing stockings, looks like your average two and a half year old who is about to cry).
rrM: Oh dear. What?
You said ‘Mother’s Day’. It’s ‘Mothering SUNDAY.’ Grandpa said only commas say ‘Mother’s Day’.
RRM: I think he probably meant ‘commoners’. What are you going to do for Mothering Sunday?
(Brightens visibly). Daddy said we can take Mummy out for lunch. Somewhere special.
rrm: Lovely. In London? Or Norfolk? The Dorchester? The Wolseley?
(Beside himself with excitement). No! Daddy said Pizza Express! So Mummy can dress down for a change.
RRM: nice. What will mummy eat?
(Looks a bit sad). She always wants La Reine. Until Daddy reminds her she can’t have it.
*he didn’t talk to me really. This is just what I imagined at 4.30am one day this week whilst feeding NC. Actual Prince George was probably still asleep … or, maybe, not.