Which President’s Coming to Supper? Oh. Bummer.

It is Friday night and NW has invited the President of NG and NC’s swimming group, ‘Across the Pond’, to supper. I am panicking.

WHICH President? I’d asked him in shock the previous night, because of the uncanny parallel with the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge hosting the US one at Kensington Palace the same evening. And then, when he told me, I said, “Oh. Bummer”. Because NW is the chef in our house and he will be home too late to cook … and my cuisine is Michelin-t(i)red, not starred.

Consequently, I am trying to simultaneously tag my blog, make spag bog and watch NG and NC, both of whom are wearing Blade & Rose outfits and are in a united state of ominous angelicism. NC looks princely doing frog kicks in his ‘HRH’ leggings’ and they have both been practising their swimming moves on the floor; NG helping NC with his front crawl and giving him a back stroke.

“Mbloggers, pbloggers, Duchess … Sorry, what did you say?” I call to NG who, I now realize, is shouting my name.

A supportive backstroke.

“My horse is in its hole.”

I only stop stirring for a millisecond.

“Which hole?” Though I am not sure I want the answer.

“And my arm is all …” (NG’s voice cracks with emotion) “squishy.”

I cross over to my daughter and look down. NG tilts her head coquettishly and sticks out her tongue.

“Not really, Mummy. I was only JOKERing’.”

I get a bit ratty. “Darling, a very important man is coming for supper tonight with Daddy and me so you both have to eat yours quite quickly. Hurry up and sit down.”

QG NG

Swimming cosy.

NG springs up and does a couple of toe points, which she’s been doing ever since her bouncy, Queen’s Guard leggings arrived. “Mummy, I can swim in these if I want to ‘cos when I sit down, I can’t see my bottom but when I swim, then I can. And my bottom is beautiful in these beautiful leggings.”

I want to argue this point but time is pressing and I know what she means. And to be fair, her bum does look even prettier than Pippa’s.

I plant NC deep in the pile of tea towels that serves as high chair padding since the inflatable cushion insert succumbed to NL’s ‘Labrador Does Jaws’ impression.

I plonk some hasty pasta in front of NG, who looks at the plate, then at me sadly.

245 BR legs

Synchronised swingers.

“What is is?”

“OHHH. I wanted to see him.”

“Who? Your bottom?”

She looks at me blanky. “No, Mummy. The important bummer man. You told Daddy ‘Obummer’ when he said the important man is coming to our house for supper.

I am in the middle of arranging our last tea towel across NL’s paws as he lies, drooling beneath the table. I stop to think how to respond; blobs of saliva pool on my wrist.

“He’s an important swimming man, darling. From Across the Pond, the group you and your brother go to for lessons. You know, where you sing that Puddleduck song? Well, it’s the man in charge. The President, he’s called.

The PRESIDENT’s coming to supper??

NG sucks slowly on a spaghetti string. Thought bubbles swirl until one surfaces and pops. “I know, I know, Mummy. I CAN SING THE BUMMER MAN MY SONG.”

Rather than tell her she’ll be fast asleep in bed, having drifted off like Iglepiggle in his boat, I nod indulgently. “That’s right, darling. And how does it go?”

I hum along with her as she goes through the numbers: “One Puddleduck went swimming one day …” and synchronise slurping wine impressively in time to the beat. By the time we get to the end, I’m ready to dive in with some free-styling.

“The President said, ‘quack, quack, quack, quack and only one President came BARACK”.

“No, Mummy.” says NG after a pause. “Next time, if you don’t know the words, just say ‘oh, bum’ and I will rescue you.”

I was provided with two sets of Blade & Rose leggings and socks: HRH and Queen’s Guard in return for a Right Royal review. Leggings retail at £10 each; socks at £5.50 for a pack of two.

___________________________________________________________________________

KEY TO CHARACTERS

Characters are abbreviated as follows:

NW – not William (husband and father)

NG – not George (daughter, sister and two and three quarter year old)

NC – not Charlotte (son, brother and seven month old)

NL – not Lupo (a Labrador)

Cuddle Fairy
Mummuddlingthrough
Life Love and Dirty Dishes
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31 Comments

  1. April 20, 2016 / 7:44 am

    Hahahahahahaha. Seriously how do you do it? How! I am in awe of your writing skills and how very funny you are! Seriously cool leggings too, can I get them in my size. Now I am going to spend the day chuckling along to ‘ohbummer’ just when I had stopped driving Mr C insane with my excessive use of ‘Stout’. You have a lot to answer for 😉 #BloggerClubUk

    • April 20, 2016 / 8:17 am

      Thanks my wonderful stylish blogging friend – how do YOU do it more like? Your blog is so, so beautiful. I still haven’t worked out a theme I like that allows me to put more than one post on the front page! 🙂 The leggings are ace; I genuinely mean that. Survived a couple of pavement tumbles already. And I just like wordplay – and am v. lucky (and amazed!) that other people seem to too! #BloggerClubUK xx

  2. April 20, 2016 / 12:46 pm

    I love this. Sounds very much like something that would happen in our house (bar the arrival of anyone important because, thankfully, nobody important ever comes for dinner). And the leggings are gorgeous. I need some for my small ones!

  3. April 20, 2016 / 4:08 pm

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! Thank you for making me laugh so much! And, I love those leggings too. x

    #bloggerclubuk

    • April 20, 2016 / 9:03 pm

      Oh, I’m so glad it does make you laugh … I write so late at night usually that by the morning I am scared to press ‘publish’! And yes, the leggings are really fab. #BloggerClubUK

  4. April 20, 2016 / 6:08 pm

    I’m just imagining all the Royal paraphernalia you’ll be able to review during the right Royal upcoming birthday celebrations. Can’t wait to see how it all comes together!
    Nice leggings too…
    #bloggerclubuk
    X NQE-BG
    (NOt Queen Elizabeth – Birthday Girl)

  5. April 21, 2016 / 6:13 am

    Love those leggings – want some! #coolmumclub

  6. April 21, 2016 / 12:36 pm

    you really are the funniest writer! Love the way you write so eloquently about family life but not without the humour! But can I just say, I am so envious that your NW is the chef in the house! Another great post lovely #Coolmumclub

  7. April 21, 2016 / 4:17 pm

    Lovely bums! Hope the president was impressed with your culinary offerings. So disappointing NG didn’t get your presidential witticism
    …honestly these children of ours are philistines!!
    #stayclassy

  8. April 21, 2016 / 4:30 pm

    Haha this is so clever. I should of read the NC acronym guide first as that was a splash of genius. If you write like this without wine I am even more impressed. Also I totally want those leggings in adult size. Or to be able to convince my 5 year old son that he should wear them with his spiderman cape. Had me giggling tea out of my nose. Your kiddies are gorgeous, looking forward to more #stayclassy

    • April 21, 2016 / 8:24 pm

      Haha! Thank you so much – that’s such a lovely comment. (Wine is 99% of the time involved, I’m afraid). And they don’t make them in adult sizes. Wish they would … sorry about the tea!! :)#stayclassy

  9. April 21, 2016 / 5:07 pm

    Oh wow those leggings are so cute.. may casually order some even though I have been told the gremlin needs NO MORE CLOTHES. I love your blog, always makes me laugh. #stayclassy

    • April 21, 2016 / 8:23 pm

      Thanks Ellen. The leggings are pretty cool, I must admit – love your blog as well; also the title always makes me thing we’d get on 🙂 #stayclassy

  10. April 22, 2016 / 12:16 pm

    Pleased to hear that in the Royal Household you also pad the high chair with tea towels 🙂 And I love those legging they both look so cute #stayclassy

  11. April 23, 2016 / 7:18 am

    Obummer! I did a proper snort at that one! #FridayFrolics

  12. April 23, 2016 / 8:38 am

    Back from #coolmumclub!
    So chuffed for you Polly!!!
    Xx

    • April 23, 2016 / 1:13 pm

      Thank you! Will get it together soon … still feeling wobbly!! xx

  13. April 23, 2016 / 1:42 pm

    The leggings are fab….and we also go to Puddleducks for swimming lessons! I am very impressed indeed that your know the President, but then I am sure that he is humbled to being hanging out with the Royals. Hope the dinner went well and NG and NC behaved themselves. Thanks for linking up to #StayClassy

    • April 24, 2016 / 3:35 am

      Puddleducks is great, isn’t it? We have our entire weekend taken up with it now: NC goes on Saturday and NG on Sunday. They love it so I’m trying not to think of the petrol cost. Hope the co-hostage (you know what I mean) went well and thanks for hosting #StayClassy.

  14. April 24, 2016 / 9:04 pm

    Ha ha this is great, I hope the dinner went well! Love the leggings they are gorgeous and the way you write reviews always entertains me. The kiddies are hilarious! Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again this week x

  15. April 25, 2016 / 8:41 am

    You’ve got great wit I love your writing skills! I hope everything went well and I look forward to hearing more about it! Those leggings are too cute! I’d put either my boy or girl in those they’re adorable! #bloggerclubUK

    • April 25, 2016 / 8:42 am

      Thank you Lizzie – that’s really kind! Yes, it was fine in the end 🙂 #bloggerclubUK

  16. April 25, 2016 / 11:26 am

    Hahah so funny! I love your writing style, you always make me laugh. ; ) Love the leggings as well, I’ve just clicked on the link and will be checking them out as they are too cute! I’m actually going to need some bigger clothes now, he is growing SO fast AHH! Thanks for sharing with #StayClassy!

  17. April 25, 2016 / 1:41 pm

    Yet another hilarious blinder! Love your style chick. Thanks so much for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

    • April 25, 2016 / 3:38 pm

      Thanks Talya, that is so kind and I’m so glad you like the style … it’s a bit bonkers! #coolmumclub

  18. April 28, 2016 / 8:41 am

    This is brilliant!! I love Blade & Rose leggings for my little one…they’re so cute 🙂 Another fab post, absolutely love reading your clever writing xxx

    • April 28, 2016 / 8:35 pm

      Oh thank you Bridie – I adore your blog as well and I’m so happy you like the writing. The leggings are actually, genuinely great – I’d never heard of them before but they’ve been sort of glued to the bums of my two for the last couple of weeks (that sounds VERY nasty but I just mean metaphorically :)) Thank you for all your lovely comments in the last few weeks!! xxx

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