How to have a January birthday: Kate Middleton vs. me

“What would you like to do for your birthday?” asks NW. I am straddling a Labrador so that I can tie a ribbon to NG’s rabbit’s fringe and rinse a teething necklace.

To get on a plane and fly far, far away, I think.

I can’t deny a January birthday in the UK conjures fantasies of Maldivian bungalows with waiters making rose petal-strewn beds; white sand twinkling through icy mojitos. Factor 50 sunscreen (NOT A CHILDREN’S ONE). Instead I have dieting, teetotal friends and jumpers.

“A few friends in the pub?” I suggest, gamely.

“I suppose the DoC is going to Sri Lanka,” NW says warily. “We can’t afford to go away, you know. Not with NC’s swimming lessons.”

Bea candle cake

Don’t count the candles.

NW needn’t worry. Aside from the fact that I share a birthday month with the DoC, the Duchess – who turns 34 on Saturday – has also spent the last 3yrs procreating and therefore, it seems celebrating quietly. Let’s see how we compare:


  • DoC: 3 months pregnant with George, she attends Cirque du Soleil and watches some fools
  • Me: 3 months pregnant with NG, I attend drinks in an East London pub with some fools


  • DoC: goes sale shopping with her mother and baby
  • Me: go sale shopping with my mother and baby AND get a sitter and watch The Wolf of Wall Street AND get a burger at Giraffe


  • DoC: pregnant with Charlotte, she stays in to watch Netflix in pyjamas (probably). William rushes to get last train home
  • Me: pregnant with NC, I stay in to watch Netflix in pyjamas. NW rushes to get last train home

So really, if it’s a competition (which clearly it isn’t) I think I win. Though I suppose she might have better pyjamas.



Characters are abbreviated as follows:

NW – not William (husband and father)

NG – not George (daughter, sister and two and a half year old)

NC – not Charlotte (son, brother and four month old)

NL – not Lupo (a Labrador)



  1. June 4, 2016 / 7:18 am

    This is super cute. I am certain your pajamas are better than Kate’s, namely because hers are probably far too expensive so she can’t risk sitting on the couch eating crisps in them because of the potential for grease stains.

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