Prince George’s Third Birthday Poem

Prince George hits three years old on 22 July. As my daughter (NG) has just turned three too, and I rather enjoyed doing this for Mother’s Day, I thought I’d give Georgie his own birthday poem. Happy Birthday for Friday, PG. May the threenage stage be kind to your family.

A Birthday Poem for A Threenage Prince George

Little Prince George is a bouncy young lad
His eyes are all wide and his hair isn’t bad
He lives with his parents who like him, aged two
All, ‘isn’t he sweet?’ and, ‘yay! Nice big poo!’

And, ‘George! There’s a man here for tea called Obama.
Bedtime can wait. Come and pose in pyjamas.’
Yes, George is a good boy. It’s true all the madness
Of being a prince had provoked signs of ‘ladness’

But not for too long, because Nag-Nag has said
If he doesn’t improve then the crown for his head
Will be given to Charlotte. (And that’s all it took.
George wanted to rule. So he chose a good book

And decided to try to behave). Early years
Passed serenely with no tantrums or screaming or tears
But the small future Highness just didn’t forsee
The emotional ride that would come, turning three.

He opens his eyes. It is odd. He feels strange.
Overnight, his delight at CBeebies has changed.
He looks at the wall stickers, then starts to frown.
“Igglepiggle?!” he whispers, then tears them all down.

He runs to the kitchen. A wonderful spread
Is laid out on the table: Frubes and chocolate bread.
So much care and attention has clearly been given
To George’s third birthday. Rage surges … he’s driven.

“Nursery food??!” he storms. “Ugh. I feel sick!”
And he lunges at Will’s plate so Eggs Benedict
And thick Hollandaise sauce – William’s favourite – go flying.
(Lupo is happy but Charlotte starts crying).

“Oh, Georgie,” says Kate, looking on, quite dismayed
At the naughty behaviour her son has displayed.
“Where are your good manners?” She pats her left knee.
“Now, come and sit here. What’s it like being three?”

George wriggles away. He’s remembered, the rascal
That outside a seriously big bouncy castle
On loan from his GREAT Uncle Harry stands proudly
“It’s raining outside!” yells Maria, quite loudly

“I don’t care!” shouts Prince George, who has grabbed an umbrella
And Charlotte’s best blanket. “You don’t have to tell her,”
He adds to his nanny. “Just use one of Lupe’s.”
“Don’t be absurd,” snaps Will. “What if she poops?”

Kate inwardly sighs. Not only does she
Have to cope with the fallout of George being three
She’s remembered that Lupo’s got sensitive skin
And a date at the vet. Will will have to take him.

He is hangry and seems in a terrible mood.
“You handle Lupo,” she says. “Have some food.”
(Will probably is better off at the vet
Attending to his very favourite pet).

Kate takes a deep breath, hoists up Shouty and pauses.
What sights would she find when she braved out of doors-es?
Her terribly cuddly toddler has turned
Into something quite terrifying. But she’s learned

To compose herself. When she is anxious and stressed
The best thing is make sure she’s suitably dressed.
She’s wearing her dungees with sensible vest
(The best clothes to handle a tiny T-Rex).

She takes a few steps and listens with care
There’s a faint, bounce, bounce, bounce. “Charlotte, look! Over there!”
Kate strides down the path that leads straight to the shed
(Where Harry keeps things like a spare King size bed)

And inside, she spies her small son having fun
With a spray can. Green neon. “Arrgh, what have you done!?”
Wails the Duchess. “Oh, Georgie you’d better come out.
If your Dad sees this mess he’ll go crazy. No doubt

Harry told you it’s ok to act stupidly?
Oh, why don’t you listen at Montessori
When they say if you’re desperate to know how to rule
It all starts with rewards for good learning at school.

“Mummy, chill. Harry isn’t,” soothes George, “one to blame.
“He’s at home with that Doctor Who girl, watching Game
of Thrones. “I’m just pretending that this is my crib.
I do have permission, you know.”

“George! Don’t fib! Kate is trying her best to keep cool but it’s fair
That despite being the birthday boy, her lovely heir
Is just being a right royal pain in the neck.
(Well, she is due a trim). The door clicks. “What the heck ..?”

The Queen stares at the walls George has painted bright green
And the bedsheets as well. “I can probably clean …”
Kate begins, quite forlornly, to offer a reason
For George’s behaviour. “I’ll put some Febreze on.”

“Don’t worry,” says Gan Gan. Her voice has no malice.
“I asked George to show what he’d do with the Palace
If given free reign. And I think he has done
The most wonderful job. Be proud of your son.”

Then she goes and the Duchess sits down on a chair.
George looks proud. Charlotte sucks Kate’s immaculate hair.
“That’s very surprising,” she says, finally.
She likes neon,” shrugs George. “And because she’s ninety

She’s decided that life is too short to be strict.”
Kate thoughtfully twirls on the locks Charlotte’s licked.
“Alright then,” she says. “Now that you’re a threenager
You can tidy this up if you like. NOT Maria.”

George stares at her. Then, with a burst of affection
Puts down the spray can, charges in her direction.
“Oh Mummy, you’re magic” He says with a grin.
“I know,” Catherine smiles. “That can goes in the bin.”

So that is the story of George turning three.
(Thank you for reading and indulging me).
A big happy birthday to you, Kate will sing
And hope there’s no tantrums from our future king.

It’s time for the Mumsnet Blog Award nominations! And, erm, if you like Right Royal Mother, I would love a nomination for Best Writer or Comedic Writer. Thank you thank you. Polly x


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  1. July 15, 2016 / 2:47 pm

    Great and funny poem. Always a delight to read:)

    mainy x


  2. July 15, 2016 / 9:26 pm

    Brilliant and cleverly written! I would love to think of the Queen actually admiring neon green paint and to see Kate’s hair being chewed on! #PoCoLo

  3. July 16, 2016 / 10:29 am

    Absolutely brilliant! You are so cleaver! I love it that Harry always get the stick! Poor Harry! Lol! Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost xx

    • July 17, 2016 / 10:48 am

      Oh, thank you Su 🙂 I know, poor Harry … he is probably eminently sensible! #FabFridayPost

  4. July 17, 2016 / 10:00 am

    Oh another clever and witty post! Love the poem, also very clever linking to previous fabby posts. #CKACOLS

  5. July 17, 2016 / 10:33 pm

    This is brilliant – I don’t know how you do it! Urgh, the hair sucking. I sincerely hope Kate isn’t immune to that, why should we all suffer alone?! #KCACOLS

    • July 18, 2016 / 6:04 am

      I’m sure she isn’t (though the leopard print hairbands undoubtably help!) #kcacols

  6. July 18, 2016 / 7:26 pm

    Fantastic poem, you have such a way with words! #KCACOLS and #MarvMondays

    • July 19, 2016 / 7:24 am

      Oh thank you – it’s really just stream of consciousness with added alcohol 😉

  7. July 19, 2016 / 2:48 pm

    Teehee I giggled with delight. I bet they have NO IDEA what’s in store for them. Neither do I *4 months left and it’s already terrible* #chucklemums

    • July 19, 2016 / 11:31 pm

      Ahah… I am sure they don’t. NG is actually ok at the moment (despite having a HELLISH first week). I think she’s realised she’s got a whole year and it’ll be quite exhausting to be a little devil ALL the time. #chucklemums

  8. July 19, 2016 / 4:26 pm

    Is this what happens when they turn three? They no longer like CBeebies? This is terrible news! How will I get anything done? Brilliant, as always. #chucklemums

    • July 19, 2016 / 11:31 pm

      ‘Fraid so. It’s CBBC at the moment. Some of it actually scares me … thank you lovely Min 🙂 #chucklemums

  9. July 19, 2016 / 9:43 pm

    A very funny poem (hats off to you blogger poets – its not easy to do!) a brilliant read, poor old Harry and his bouncy castle! And DofC sounds like she has the patience of a saint! #chucklemums

  10. July 20, 2016 / 8:43 pm

    Lovely poem – another clever and funny post!! I love when PG refuses his nursery food of Frubes and Chocolate bread…well who wouldn’t prefer eggs benedict 😉 xx #pocolo

  11. July 21, 2016 / 10:32 am

    That was absolutely brilliant! I do love the way you’ve so perfectly captured the chaos that comes with a threenager and that sudden mood change at the end when George is quite delightful again. So glad that Gan-Gan approved of George’s efforts to redecorate the Palace – I was feeling Kate’s pain when she appeared on the scene! #Prose4T

    • July 21, 2016 / 3:08 pm

      Oh, thank you Louise. Yes, Gan Gan (or ‘Nag Nag’) was happy in the end, which is all that really matters, surely… #Prose4T

  12. July 21, 2016 / 1:27 pm

    Rhyming “pauses” with “outdoorses” – inspired! 😉

    Great poem, I really loved it.


    • July 21, 2016 / 3:06 pm

      Ah, thank you Beth! Brill potty training post – as always – from you too! 🙂 xxx #chucklemums

  13. July 21, 2016 / 2:47 pm

    Ahh fantastic poem 😀
    We were in Berlin for a holiday and I was 6 months pregnant with our first when George was born. I remember watching the news on loop in the hotel! I was transfixed for some reason, could have something to do with my growing belly 🙂 #KCACOLS

    • July 21, 2016 / 3:04 pm

      Yes, I think there is something quite special about being pregnant at the same time as someone in the media’s eye. You sort of feel as though they are ‘doing it’ with you. Hope all is well with your NG! #KCACOLS

  14. July 21, 2016 / 3:50 pm

    Excellent poem! I’d be perfectly happy if our little one stops enjoying In The Night Garden when he turns 3 as long as he keeps enjoying Nick Jr!! #KCACOLS

  15. July 21, 2016 / 4:33 pm

    Very entertaining and impressive! Happy Bday PG. #stayclassymama

  16. July 21, 2016 / 5:16 pm

    Oh what fun three is going to be! #MarvMondays

  17. July 21, 2016 / 8:13 pm

    hehe Id love to know if Kate reads your posts 🙂 and im sure George has his fair share of tantrums. he better bloody had haha! #KCACOLS

  18. July 21, 2016 / 8:40 pm

    This had me chuckling! Does it come to you naturally or do you have to sit and really work at this sort of thing? #KCACOLS

  19. July 21, 2016 / 9:38 pm

    I can’t believe that Prince George is 3 tomorrow, that has gone so quickly! A great poem I honestly don’t know how you write like this, it’s brilliant. This has reminded me that it’s been three years since my hen party, as one of my friends couldn’t come because she was going to be covering this in the news – she’s a journalist. Only for Prince George to be late, and she could have come after all. Thanks so much for linking up this week at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  20. July 21, 2016 / 10:12 pm

    This is amazing and really funny! I hate kids parties and I loved to think that the royals get just as stressed out as me! #KCACOLS

  21. July 21, 2016 / 10:46 pm

    Haha, I can just imagine Prince George eating frubes and chocolate spread! ? #KCACOLS

  22. July 22, 2016 / 6:37 am

    Amazing poem! You’re so talented! Ah, I would LOVE to be a fly-on-the-wall for a day in the life of the royals!! #KCACOLS

  23. July 22, 2016 / 7:42 am

    Wow that really is amazing. You are such a talented lady! Hilarious and brilliant. Tor xx #PoCoLo

  24. July 22, 2016 / 8:37 am

    This is an epic poem I love it! 😀 Really well done for coming up with this, I really couldn’t! Thanks so much for sharing with #KCACOLS hope to see you again next time. 🙂 x

  25. Jo
    July 22, 2016 / 9:58 am

    You’re so clever.. Pam Ayre, watch out !! xx

  26. July 22, 2016 / 11:55 am

    Brilliant. I had just found out I was pregnant with number two when George was born. It was our little secret at the time. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  27. July 22, 2016 / 9:12 pm

    This is a scream! How did you even have time to come up with it? So funny! I loved Charlotte licking Kate’s lovely hair! ahaha! Ace! #StayClassMama

  28. July 23, 2016 / 12:38 am

    Ha, ha! Loved reading this and particularly loved the line about neon which could possibly be true 😉 Your posts always make me want to be a fly on the wall at the royal residences! Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

  29. July 25, 2016 / 10:08 am

    Haha brilliant! And so true – if George is anything like Zach, everything changed on the day he turned 3. It’s like a flick switches in them! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • July 27, 2016 / 12:34 pm

      Oh, thank you – it kept me amused whilst my own threenager was throwing strops left right and centre!

  30. July 28, 2016 / 12:28 am

    Haha – I hope he really does behave like all other three year olds!

    Thank you so much for linking up with #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time!

  31. July 28, 2016 / 6:45 pm

    Just fabulous – and what a stroke of genius that obama and pyjama line is. Thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo and George is right you know, she does have a thing for neon x

  32. August 10, 2016 / 6:35 pm

    A superb poem – which is full of fabulous twists and turns. I hope that George manages to read this one day! 🙂 Thanks for linking to Prose for Thought x

    • August 10, 2016 / 8:14 pm

      Hehe – thank you Victoria – that means loads and loads! It would be so fabulous if PG read it one day. Who knows, eh? 😉 x

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