REVIEW: Do you want a little piece of my Kingdom?

“What’s that famous line from Richard III?” I ask NW, as I get up to clear the children’s plates from the table. “Something about a Kingdom. And a horse.”

"My Kingdom for a duck"

“My Kingdom for a duck”

It is just after lunch and NW is taking out the rubbish. Our table is only big enough for three people and, at six months, NC is in a high chair. This forces one adult ALWAYS to be up doing things whilst the other sits down to eat/spoon food into a child. But it means I can indulge in Houzz porn to satisfy my cravings for a kitchen extension, which we MIGHT manage to afford before they both leave home, so it’s ok.

“Mummy, where’s my duck?” says NG, slipping quietly off her chair and smearing bolognese on the radiator as she slides down the wall. “OOOWWWW.”

“Did you bump your head?”

“Yes.” She pouts. “So I need some chocolate.”

I think about the cupboard, wherein lurks a headless milky bar rabbit and feel a bit guilty.

“Do you want a little piece of my Kingdom?”

Peanut butter

Milk chocolate and peanut butter. Even Kate Middleton might find this hard to resist.

There is a sharp intake of breath and NG’s eyes shine. NW materialises from outside. Even NC stops banging the mustard lid he’s been sucking. The kitchen is silent for, ooh, four seconds.

“YEEEESSSS!” NG shouts, delightedly. I sigh.

Since the Kingdom range arrived yesterday, I have had a few days of bliss, when I managed to hide in the bathroom and scoff a WHOLE dark chocolate lemon and lime centred bar and nearly all of the milk chocolate with rhubarb and vanilla centre. But I knew it would be short-lived.

Kingdom chocolate bars are ‘delicately decadent’ and an example of ‘modern British creativity’. The range is produced by the drool-inducing Montezuma’s. British-owned, the West Sussex-based chocolate company works with a Ugandan charity which has provided a new collection centre so farmers can bring their cocoa beans to be dried hygienically and get paid fairly. The packaging is riotous and distinctive and the flavours are sublime.

NG is placated with a square of milk chocolate with peanut butter centre, but then she stiffens like NL when he sees a cat. “Want my duck, Mummy. I do LOVE MY DUCKY.”

Red and yellow and pink and ...

Red and yellow and pink and …

“A duck, a duck, my Kingdom for a duck,” I say wittily, handing over the last of the rhubarb centre, but it’s lost on them all.

NW looks at me thoughtfully from the sink where he is washing up.


“I think this chocolate has helped you lose weight. You’ve been up and down all morning and what with the hiding subterfuge, it must all be quite tiring.” He throws a tea towel over my head.

I walk over with purpose and flick him on the temple. “Ow,” he says.

“Don’t worry,” I say. In the Kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.”

I was provided with Kingdom chocolate bars in return for an honest review. They retail at £1.89 each, available in-store and online from Montezuma’s & Waitrose and online from Amazon. 



Characters are abbreviated as follows:

NW – not William (husband and father)

NG – not George (daughter, sister and two and a half year old)

NC – not Charlotte (son, brother and six month old)

NL – not Lupo (a Labrador)


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  1. April 7, 2016 / 8:02 am

    Mmmmm sounds yummy! (We have a headless dinosaur). Milk chocolate with peanut butter, yummy!

    • April 7, 2016 / 9:32 pm

      It’s pretty good … sadly gone in a flash but I might well get some more! xx

  2. April 7, 2016 / 8:26 am

    Yuuuuuuuuum. I am going to have to look these up when i’m next doing the food shop :. The rhubarb one sounds so relish 🙂 #coolmumclub

    • April 7, 2016 / 9:32 pm

      They are only in Waitrose I think (and are you in Jersey? I know there is an ace Waitrose there so hope they have made it over!) #coolmumclub

  3. April 7, 2016 / 11:28 am

    I want some now!!! Too unfair reading it before official chocolate time! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

    • April 7, 2016 / 9:35 pm

      Haha!! It’s NEVER too early for chocolate, surely – we are mothers; we are owed chocolate whenever we want!! #coolmumclub

  4. April 7, 2016 / 7:56 pm

    We have enough chocolate to last until kingdom come, thanks to the Easter Bunny, but reckon I could make some room for the Rhubarb one!
    Thanks for linking to #coolmumclub

    x DNPP
    (Def not Prince Phillip)

    • April 7, 2016 / 9:30 pm

      The rhubarb one is pretty fantastic. Always room for chocolate, I say! (and I love your sign-offs!) #coolmumclub

  5. April 7, 2016 / 8:14 pm

    The kingdom bars sound extra good. Your kids sound really cute too. #coolmumclub

    • April 7, 2016 / 9:29 pm

      They are pretty luscious. And so are the bars(!) Thanks for your comment! #coolmumclub

  6. August 20, 2016 / 12:07 pm

    I had no idea they were by Montezuma’s (who I also love!).. I have tried the peanut butter one a few times, each time deciding that I liked it, but would need to try again to make sure.

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