“Mummy, we do live on the Earth planet.”
Thursday morning, -1 degree. It is treacherously icy. My chest is a snuggly advertisement for Baby Gap’s winter range as we toddle to the childminder’s. Tom (4 months) is in the sling, Eva (2.5yrs) is holding my hand and some toast as she was a bit slow eating breakfast and NL (Bear, the Labrador) is pulling on his lead, nipping leisurely at it as we walk. I am dodging drool, icy patches and hurrying school run parents and daydreaming about going to Waitrose like Kate Middleton did wearing slip-ons, with my hair down.
“That’s right, darling. We live on a planet called Earth. And there are other planets, too. Like Mars.”
“Yes.”
“And Jupiter.”
“Yes.”
“And Neptune.”
“Yes.”
“And Pluto.”
“Yes. And is Pluto a moon?”
“It’s a dwarf planet.”
“Oh, yes.”
“Who told you it was a moon?”
“Max.”
“Right. Max, it’s NOT a moon. Pluto is a planet.”
“Um, Mummy? Oh, no, sorry, Max?”
(Me in Max’s voice): “Yes?”
“Max, Pluto is a dorf planet. You are not right, Max. Pluto is not a moon.”
Shark-like, Max looks up and snaps his jaws around his lead.
“NO, Max” I sigh, yanking it back.
“Mummy, what you doing?”
“Max wants to play tug of war. But this is not the time, or the place.”
“Max, you must play tug of war AT. THE. BEACH.” Eva wags a buttery finger at Max’s nose, driving him to dribbling distraction. A car swerves as his hind legs fall into the road.
“Darling, don’t do that. Lick your fingers so Max can’t do it for you.”
“But I do like Max licking my fingers.”
“Not in the middle of the road, ok?”
“Max, you have to wait TIL. WE. GET. TO. THE. PAVEMENT.”
“No …” I start, but just then my friend appears in front of me.
“Need a hand?”
“Could you just wipe her fingers?” I say pathetically. Apart from Eva, we are all wearing mittens like boxing gloves. She hesitates.
“Put your hands in mine and I will wipe them,” she says to my daughter. It is then I notice her mittens are UGGs and I know how much they cost because I Go(ogled) them last night.
“Oh, Milly – no – don’t use your gloves – they cost the Earth!” I protest.
Eva looks up, puzzled. “But we do live on a planet called Earth,” she says.
“Yes,” says Milly. “A very cold planet called Earth.”
“But not as cold as Pluto,” says Eva.
I am not sure if Max has told her this. Regardless, we will be having words when we get home.
